The Five Stages of Grief
by bibli
Summary: A five part story of how Michaela deals with her grief when her father passes away
1. Prologue

_I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the show etc, etc._

**The Five Stages of Grief.**

**Prologue:**

The day started out like any other. Michaela rose to the sound of the birds to see that the sun had already began to dawn upon a land covered in mist and dew drops, making it look like something she had once read in a fairy tale. Michaela got up with her usual energy because she knew that she would be spending the day with the one man who had been a constant in an ever-changing world, her father.

Her father had always been there. From the time she had her first knee scrape from mischievously sliding through the parlour, to being at her medical school graduation. Not to mention the countless number of times he had defended her in front of his colleagues, associates, and even his own wife.

While dressing in a pale green dress, Michaela thought back to the previous night, when another round with her mother was battled. Unfortunately Josef had to stay late at the hospital and could not defend her right then. Even so Michaela couldn't imagine what it would be like for her father to never be there.

The argument with Elizabeth had followed the usual paces; first Elizabeth's comment about her not being able to survive working in a mans world, then Michaela's willpower of trying to ignore, until once again it became a battle of the wills, only ceasing when Michaela had walked away. She quickly banished thoughts of the previous night's argument to the back of her mind when she realised that she was going to be late for breakfast.

Upon arriving into the dining room, breakfast was in full swing. After greeting the man she adored, she then went over to her mother to greet her, finding that the last night's winter had quickly become spring. Michaela was relieved even if the change was only temporary, which it usually was. Much to Elizabeth's chagrin Michaela started discussing the latest advances in medicine with her father as she did every morning while she consumed her breakfast. The good mood was too good to last Michaela thought upon hearing Elizabeth's exasperated and bored sigh during Josef's explanation of a new theory. When he had finished Michaela turned to her mother to tell her that she does not appreciate her mother rolling her eyes in annoyance, but before she had a chance to even open her mouth, she heard a loud thud on the table. Snapping her head around quickly she found her worst nightmare coming true, her father slumped over the table from a stroke.

Josef was taken immediately to the hospital, where he lay in a coma. The doctors at the hospital poked and prodded Josef for three days. Of course in that time they didn't allow Michaela one chance to try and help her father with her own medical knowledge because of her sex, leaving her feeling dejected and futile. Slumped in her chair next to the bed, she would stare at her father's motionless body for hours trying to will him to wake, using all of the willpower she could muster like she would as a child when she desperately wanted to make something happen, but like in the past it would just leave her feeling exhausted and frustrated, the only difference this time was that the cost was far greater. Michaela could only watch helplessly as her father's life slipped away from her grasp on the dawn of the third day, knowing that a part of her died with him.

The next two days passed with a blur as the day of her father's funeral approached. As soon as the sun rose she knew that it would take everything she had just to not break down at the service but also she knew that she would need all her strength to deal with Elizabeth who lectured Michaela the night before on what she expected of her. The winter had come again Michaela mused of her mother, but then chastised herself silently, because she knew that her mother was grieving the only way Boston society would ever permit. That night as she looked back on the funeral itself, it was a large one with the church filled to its seams; she had no idea that there could be that many people grieving for this one man. While Michaela found it humbling, at the same time when they spoke of her father and the life that was tragically cut short, she had to close her ears, she couldn't bear to hear them cheapen his life with their words. As she looked out her window she knew it would be another sleepless night and that the days to come would be terribly long.


	2. Denial and Isolation

_I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the show etc, etc._

**The Five Stages of Grief.**

**Chapter One:**

**Denial and Isolation:**

Michaela finally fell into a fitful sleep before waking to the sound of reality. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what woke her up but now that she was awake she found it hard to surrender to slumber. After hearing Martha scurry down stairs to start the day Michaela decided to get up, not to welcome the day however, but to shut it out to where she could hide from it. Ultimately she locked her door.

Resigned to the fact that no one was going to disturb her, at least not for now, she wandered over to the bookcase which was filled with books big and small, books that could take her anywhere so she could be anyone. As her eyes roamed over the various volumes, covered in dust from being put aside in favour of medical journals over the years, her eyes stopped at one in particular.

_It was a sunny day; sun shined through the trees in the backyard making them into shapes that only ones imagination can decipher, beckoning the person watching them to follow as they swayed through the breeze lighter than birds. In one particular corner of the garden were a man and his daughter. Anyone who saw them would see the love that they had for each other, the admiration that the little girl had for the man and the delight that the other took in his little girls antics. Michaela, 6, had waited for her father Josef to look at what she was doing then scurried up the tallest tree, all the while proclaiming that she could do it much better than any boy at school. In fact, she had been sent to the headmistress's twice that week for doing "un-ladylike activities." However Josef laughed and clapped at his spirited daughters antics, only ceasing when Elizabeth came out from inside and gave a disapproving glance toward their way._

_Always the peace maker, Josef hoped he could distract Michaela with a story. It was a favourite of his, one his own mother had read to him many times. As Michaela settled on her father's knee on the oak bench, he began to tell of the wonders that the book held. The story itself was about an old cobbler's son who wanted to be a painter, but his father said no, that it's not a decent job for a young man. Eventually the young man prevailed, and made his father see that by doing what we dream about makes us who we are, and in turn makes us better people. "So you see Mike," her father concluded. "You can be anything you want to be, don't let others tell you what to be, you must decide that for yourself."_

"_I want to be," Mike said decisively with her hands on her hips, like she did whenever she was sure about something, "someone who doesn't go to the girly tea party this afternoon, Yuck"_

_Josef chuckled and lifted his daughter up to eye level, "we have to do and endure a lot of things we don't like also."_

How true those words were to Michaela now even after all these years. Suddenly her thoughts were disturbed by a furious knocking by a very irate Elizabeth. Michaela was so consumed with the memory she hadn't realised that her mother had been knocking for several minutes now. "I'm not in the mood for breakfast mother, please leave me."

"Stop this nonsense right now, you're not a child, your father's gone and he's not coming back."

Michaela didn't hear the last words though because she didn't want to, and she wasn't ready yet. As much as she knew her father was really gone, a part of her still wanted to deny it, and was still afraid to say it out loud to herself. She wondered if that was because she was afraid of what was on the other side of the grief. In a way the grief, because it was caused by her father's death somehow became a part of him, a part in which she wasn't ready to let go of.

The next voice she heard at the door was more comforting. Rebecca, her older sister, was sensitive enough to her sisters' feelings to know when she needed to be alone. However, Rebecca was surprised when she was allowed entry. They surpassed the normal chit chat and went straight to each other's embrace. It was a bond of steel forged from living under the same roof as Elizabeth with someone who was not like the domineering matriarch. Rebecca decided to keep to conversation light as she knew how much her little sister was hurting. They talked of the weather, but somehow the conversation was steered towards memory lane.

_It was early in the night. The night itself had just rounded off a busy day. Rebecca was married today to her beloved Edward. As everybody cheered them as they went away for their honeymoon across town, the youngest, five year old Michaela couldn't help but feel left out. Next to her father, Rebecca was her best friend. They did everything together when they had the chance. Now here she was being driven away with a new best friend. She was mortified. She couldn't allow this to happen, so she devised a plan. She told Pootsie, her favourite doll, how she was going to sneak out when it was dark, go across town and bring back Rebecca so they could play together. What Michaela didn't know was that Josef was right outside the door listening to this great plan. When night-time came Michaela slipped out of her bedroom, grabbed her coat, bonnet and shoes and headed out into the big wide world of Boston, with her father trailing close enough behind, but far away enough so she wouldn't see him. It only took fifteen minutes for Michaela to realise that she didn't know where Rebecca was, and in that time she had walked around the block twice. Josef decided to give some help._

"_Are you lost young lady," he spoke startling her._

_Michaela jumped round in fear which quickly turned into mortification when she realised who it was. Her father didn't believe that she could do it herself, she thought. Though she couldn't but she wasn't willing to admit it. Finally Josef took her daughter home to an incredulous Elizabeth who couldn't believe that her husband would let their daughter leave at such an hour. Once tucked in Josef explained to Michaela that although she wouldn't live here, Rebecca would always be here if she need someone to talk to and to help with homework._

Michaela couldn't help but laugh at the memory; still to this day, she couldn't believe that she had done that. Finally Rebecca had convinced Michaela to have something to eat as Elizabeth had already retired to her room until lunch.


	3. Anger

_I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the show etc, etc._

**The Five Stages of Grief.**

**Chapter Two:**

**Anger:**

As evening fell Michaela once again found herself in her room after having retired for the night because she was sick of Elizabeth's constant barraging about her favourite topic; getting a husband. Michaela didn't let herself get angry at Elizabeth, mainly because she couldn't be bothered arguing. But now that she was left alone with her thoughts, Michaela's anger boiled quickly, as it was just below the surface. She needed an outlet. The first thing that she could find was one of her bed cushions. Michaela promptly threw it across the room, making it land on the other side with a loud thud.

As if a gate had been opened, all her anger poured out into a fitful rage, with Michaela throwing the rest of the cushions again and again. She blamed herself for not seeing the signs of her father's decline, but then realised it was silly as she knew that there were no visible signs indicating that a stroke was about to take place. Her angry thoughts then turned on the doctors that monitored him. She blamed them for not letting her help her father. Ultimately she was angry at her father. Why did he have to leave her? Didn't he know how much she needed him? Deep down Michaela knew that she could never be angry at him, no matter what he did.

Anger; now there was an emotion that was frequent between Michaela and her mother, and sometimes even her sisters. She could only recall one time though when Elizabeth was so angry, that she didn't speak to Michaela for three days.

_Michaela had arrived the previous day on the train from medical school. At present Michaela and her colleagues were studying different organs. For homework, in the holidays they had to study the heart for an upcoming exam. The heart was Michaela's favourite organ. The thought that a series of muscles could beat life through oneself fascinated her greatly. Then there was the romantic notions of the heart which she liked to muse about, though she was sure that was because she had read too many romance novels when she was younger. _

_To help his daughter study the heart, Josef had arranged for a cows heart to be picked up by Martha from the butcher's after she had completed her afternoon dusting. That afternoon, each time Josef was about to collect the heart from Martha, Michaela would always distract him into doing something else. When it was dinner time and Michaela and Josef were waiting on Elizabeth to finish getting ready, it was then when Josef realised that they had not dissected the heart. He was about to mention it to his daughter but noticed she wouldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. After realising that he wasn't going to get an explanation for her sudden happiness he decided to broach the subject of dissecting the heart in the morning. _

"_I seemed to get distracted today Mike, perhaps we could dissect that heart tomorrow."_

_With the grin still on her face, "speaking of which."_

_There was a couple of seconds' silence, then a loud piercing scream. Michaela giggled as her father rushed up the stairs, with Michaela following meekly, but curiously behind. Josef wasn't prepared for what he saw upon entering the bedroom that he shared with Elizabeth. Standing on the bed as if she saw a mouse, was Elizabeth pointing to her vanity dresser drawer. In the drawer was the very cows heart itself. Josef immediately knew the culprit and understood why Michaela had kept distracting him during the course of the afternoon. _

"_You," growled an indignant Elizabeth, all the while pointing at Michaela who was standing there as if she was holding a sign saying; It was me I'm guilty. Josef didn't know how long he could keep his laughter in so to distract himself he decided to remove the heart back to its rightful place in the kitchen. Upon leaving the kitchen he found Michaela sitting at the table with a cheeky smirk on her face. _

_Needless to say, Elizabeth didn't come down to dinner that night or even for breakfast the next morning. When Michaela went to say goodnight to her, she was only met by a stony cold silence, which lasted for the next couple of days._

Michaela knew that she would never get away with something as cheeky as that with her father around no longer. She understood why Elizabeth was angry at her. What a fright it must have been, to find a heart right in your own drawer! Michaela tried to think of any time that she had ever been that angry, but could think of none. None until she laid her eyes on the photograph of her beloved David.

Oh how David broke her heart by going to war. Her heart was still raw at the memory of it. Michaela had been devastated and angry the night he had come to dinner dressed in his officer's uniform, proudly announcing he was going to serve his country in two days time. Michaela remembered how she was torn; on one hand she had wanted to beg him to stay with her so they could build a life together. Didn't he love her enough to stay? Was what they shared not enough for him, making him seek more out of life somewhere else? On the other hand, she was proud of him for doing his part, for doing something so that they can live together in a better country. Of course that never happened; he was killed before they even had the chance to.

_It was mid-afternoon when the doorbell rang. As it was a Saturday, Michaela was not rostered on to work at the hospital; instead she had spent the morning helping Martha bake for dessert that evening. In the afternoon Michaela had decided to retire to her room to catch up on some long overdue reading of her newly purchased medical book. Not thinking anything of the sound of the doorbell, she was surprised to here it followed by a knock on her door. It was her mother standing there. Michaela knew that something wasn't right as her mother had tears in her eyes and handed Michaela a telegram, and then left without a word. The words in that telegram had changed her life forever. In retrospect, Michaela wished that she had waited a few more seconds before opening it, so she could still feel the joy of thinking David was alive._

_Upon reading it, she screwed it up in anger, and let it drop to the floor before flinging herself onto her bed to cry._

Looking back, Michaela wondered if David had received the last letter she ever wrote to him. A letter telling him of how much she loved and missed him, and how his heart had always understood hers. Those six words, _his heart had always understood hers,_ made her choke up once again, until she had worn herself out and finally drifted off to sleep.


	4. Bargaining

_I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the show etc, etc._

**The Five Stages of Grief.**

**Chapter Three:**

**Bargaining:**

As Michaela fell into a fitful sleep her mind was jumbled with images. Some of them bizarre and made no sense, others were recollections of times past. Her dreams though filled with scrambled images honed in on one memory that Michaela knew well.

_It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining, and the colourful flowers that were arranged in patterns in the public gardens were in bloom. All of this brightness gave one the impression that nothing could ever go wrong in the world. This was how fifteen year old Michaela felt as she was walking home from school. Unusual to her nature of needing to plan every detail, Michaela decided spur of the moment that she wanted to be amongst all of this brightness. As she lay down on the soft green grass her senses went into overload. The sweet smell of grass filled her nostrils making them tingle all the while the sounds of the birds became music to her ears. A butterfly flew gracefully past as if it was in no hurry to be anywhere in particular. Michaela suddenly had a nagging feeling that her presence was required somewhere, but shook it off as soon as she saw the fluffy, snow-white clouds rolling by. She tried to pick out their many shapes; one looked like a face of a clown, another looked like a horse._

_Michaela opened her eyes to see the sun starting to fade on the horizon. She hadn't realised that she had even fell asleep! What would people say? More importantly what was her mother going to say? As she hastily gathered up her things, Michaela remembered what it was she had to do this afternoon; her presence was required at a tea party, at home, for the ladies club; she groaned in recognition of the fact that her mother would not be pleased with her. _

_Upon arriving home, Michaela timidly opened the door and looked round; it was clear. Creeping towards the steps so no one would hear her, Michaela was just about to step onto the first step when she heard it. _

"_Where have you been," her mother screeched in an unforgiving tone. _

_Though she was expecting it, Michaela had jumped in fright from it all the same. She knew it would be pointless trying to explain where she was so she just stood there with a blank expression on her face. So much for the nice spring day, Michaela mused. It was then when Josef came through the door from a hard days work at the hospital. Elizabeth started as soon as he stepped foot in the door, complaining about Michaela's tardiness. Josef had too much of a hard day to put up with Elizabeth's constant barraging, so at the end of Elizabeth's explanation he sent Michaela to her room until further notice. _

_Once in her room, Michaela became worried of what her father might say when he came to see her as he said he would later. As Josef knocked on his daughter's door, he knew that he could never be angry at his little girl, but he had to do something to appease Elizabeth, otherwise he would be hearing about it for days to come. Michaela let out a deep breath, one she hadn't realised that she had been holding, when her father entered her room to have their talk. _

"_Now Mike you know that you have to be punished, otherwise I'll be hearing about this for days."_

_Michaela let a small giggle slip at this but quietened when her father gave her a stern look and for a moment she was worried that her father was really angry, until she saw the twinkle in his eyes, which let her know that he wasn't being completely serious and that he was on her side._

"_Now what are we going to do with you," Josef asked now grinning at his daughter. The only response he got though was just a shrug of the shoulders. _

"_How about a week with Martha in the kitchen," he said with raised eyebrows._

_Josef saw the fire in Michaela's eyes and knew that she would try and get out of the punishment as much as she could. _

"_Three days," Michaela challenged_

"_Four," Josef replied._

"_Two plus I have to do extra work at the hospital," she said smirking knowing that her father wouldn't refuse._

"_Alright, but you must apologise to your mother also."_

_Michaela sighed and agreed knowing that the only part of the punishment she didn't like was the apology to her mother. After giving her father a quick hug, he then left his daughter to do her homework. __Josef left shaking his head knowing that he could never refuse his daughters request to help out at the hospital. He chuckled to himself knowing that he was going to have to explain this to Elizabeth,_

Michaela woke up in a sweat. It was years ago when that happened, but it seemed only like yesterday; Michaela could still hear her father's laughter. She then realised the time and knew she had to get up now otherwise she would be late for mass. Once in mass Michaela was at a loss as to what to pray for. Her father meant everything to her; he was a good man who helped so many people and saved so many lives; she in a way felt betrayed by God.

"Why couldn't you have taken me instead," she whispered to herself though Rebecca, who was next to her heard and squeezed her hand reassuringly to let her know that she was there. Michaela felt like a small child who was desperate and pleading for something that she couldn't have.

"I'll do anything if you bring him back, I'll even find someone to marry just to make mother happy," she knew she was being desperate, as that was something she would never promise, not even under the most dire of circumstances. By the time mass was over she knew that not even God could bring her father back to her so instead of going home for lunch Michaela decided she needed to be alone and headed to the one place that she could feel a connection with her father; his office.


	5. Depression

_I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the show etc, etc._

**The Five Stages of Grief.**

**Chapter Four:**

**Depression.**

Ignoring the insistent pleas of her mother, Michaela started the short walk towards the hospital. The day was drizzly with a slight breeze, and as she walked Michaela would avoid each puddle that was on the ground, not so she wouldn't get wet, it wouldn't matter anyway as she was so shut off from the outside world, but because she didn't want to see the image of her grief mocking her. As Michaela got closer to the hospital, she wondered if she should turn back, that if she went there would it make her feel more depressed instead of better. She was about to turn back when she heard a little boy thanking his mother for taking him to the doctor so he would get better, which had made up her mind to keep going.

Michaela arrived at the hospital with renewed strength and determination. It felt different walking down those familiar halls though; they now seemed empty and cold, a mirror to how she felt inside. This hospital, once her sanctuary filled with all of her hopes and dreams now became a prison. A prison filled with memories. It didn't matter if they were good memories, they haunted her all the same, mocked her into grief. Once Michaela got to her father's office she didn't feel any better though she didn't feel worse. Methodically Michaela ran her hands over each shelf of books then over the solid oak desk before deciding to leave, afraid that the numbness would subside too soon, and opted to take a walk in the park where she could hide her depression and emotions as they weren't allowed to be shown in Boston society.

Upon reaching the park the drizzle had vanished and people had started to come out to enjoy what little good weather that was on offer. Michaela drifted aimlessly throughout the park lost in memories. It seemed that each bed of flowers reminded her of something different though they didn't mock her like the memories from the hospital. The lilies reminded her of David as they were the first flowers that he ever gave her; the daises reminded her of a time when Josef was admonished by Elizabeth for picking them from the public gardens, but she softened when she realised they were for her, and the carnations reminded her of a boy, not much younger than herself, who had been selling them in a park in New York.

_It was a beautiful day in New York; eleven year old Michaela was waiting excitedly at the hospital for her father to finish so they could take a walk around the park together. Josef was here to fill in at the hospital as there was a shortage of staff from the recent flu epidemic. Elizabeth had only agreed for Michaela to go at the last minute as she was sick of her asking "can I go mother," constantly from dawn to dusk. Josef assured his wife that would do no harm as it was the school holidays. _

_As Josef came down the steps he grinned to himself when he saw his youngest hopping from one foot to another waiting. "Are you ready to go princess," knowing that his daughter hated that nickname because it made her sound like a girl. __With an indignant look on her face Michaela replied in her best Elizabeth voice, "I do not like that at all Josef." All Josef could do was shake his head and chuckle. Very soon they were heading towards the park but not before making a stop at the candy store. Michaela looked wide eyed at the sheer size of the park when they had arrived. Like a child at Christmas, Michaela didn't know which part to explore first; there were the climbing trees which were for the boys only, the path through the rose gardens, the oversized pond or the many walking trails. She had opted for the pond and was soon bounding down to it, hair flying behind her. After paying for bread she eagerly began to feed the ducks until something had caught her eye. Not paying attention Michaela got quite a start when one of the ducks grabbed the bread right from her hand._

_After making sure that the duck wasn't bothering her anymore, Michaela turned her attention back to what had caught her eye just a moment ago. It was a boy not much younger than her selling carnations for two bits each. Her first thought was why someone of that age would be out selling flowers, but she knew that not everyone was as fortunate as her family. Michaela decided that the flowers were very pretty and so she ran back to her father, who was sitting patiently on the bench waiting for Michaela to finish, and he agreed to buy her one or two of them; how could he say no to Michaela._

_When Michaela reached the boy she stopped dead in her tracks. She had never seen eyes that blue before and was certain that she would never see them again. Realising that she was being spoken to by him, Michaela was about to ask for a flower but her father had beaten her to it. As he was searching in his pocket for change to pay the boy for the flowers, the ever inquisitive Josef began asking questions. Michaela was glad as she was too afraid to ask him questions herself. "What's your name son," Josef asked while still searching for the change._

"_Byron sir," the boy answered, growing increasingly worried that this man wouldn't be able to pay him, as it had happened with other people before. But in his good nature he had just let it go, letting the people take the flowers for free, knowing that he brought joy into someone's life. _

_Michaela couldn't help herself, she just had to know more about him; "if you don't mind me asking, why are you selling the flowers?"_

"_Its too help my ma out miss, it puts bread on our table."_

_Michaela had turned red at this stage for even asking the question. Josef finally found some money and handed it to Byron, knowing that it was far over the asking price of the two flowers. Byron went wide eyed, it was ten dollars! He had never held that much money in his hand before. "I can't accept this sir."_

"_I'm sorry Byron I have no change to give you, I have nothing else on me at the moment but this."_

_Byron stood there contemplating the money, before deciding on a solution that would please everybody. He gave every last red carnation he had to Michaela but not before asking her name._

A small smile formed on her lips as she remembered the boy. Michaela could still see the blue eyes that were so prominent, and wondered where he was now, and if he had found happiness and peace in his life. She hoped that nothing bad had happened to him, as he seemed to be such a nice caring person. Seeing the dark clouds rolling in again, Michaela decided that it was time to go home.


	6. Acceptance

_I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the show etc, etc._

**The Five Stages of Grief.**

**Chapter Five:**

**Acceptance.**

_Dear diary; _

_Today I had found an advertisement in the Boston Globe for a doctor in the town of Colorado Springs. Imagine all of the frontier adventures that I could have! It would be a pleasant change from all the memories that continue to haunt me here in Boston. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up but I can't help but be excited. _

_Will keep you updated,_

_Michaela._

Michaela closed her diary and put it with her pencil back in her desk drawer. She still hadn't told her mother of her response to the advertisement. Michaela wasn't too sure what was holding her back from telling her mother. It was more likely than not the resistance she came up against whenever she told her mother of her future plans. Lately Elizabeth had been slightly softer towards her daughter, knowing that she had just lost her father. Still Michaela didn't want to tell anyone just yet; she wanted to keep it as her special secret, her own to lock away from the world, just so she can be the only one to enjoy it.

Michaela knew she would have to tell her mother eventually, as she was always taught that it was not polite to keep secrets. While contemplating this, Michaela's eye caught sight of an object that she was examining before. It was a red carnation flower that had been pressed in a book for many years. She wondered what happened to that boy Byron and if he ever found happiness. Michaela hoped that he wasn't killed in the war; he was much too nice to deserve that fate, much too honest. Would she find people like that on the frontier? Michaela had heard some horror stories about life on the frontier, but knew that the stories in the press can be misconstrued. Even if they weren't, they were isolated incidents and she wasn't any less deterred. What she did worry about though was the thought of leaving everything that was familiar behind. Michaela was comfortable here in Boston, but that was the problem, she was comfortable. She wanted challenge, adventure, and even romance. None of these things were here in Boston so she had to search for them, no matter how far she had to go. But how do you say goodbye to a loved one. It was different from saying goodbye to one that was deceased; she had never had to say goodbye to a living loved one, not for a large amount of time, so she didn't know how. In a way Michaela hoped that she would find out. To take her mind from this dilemma, Michaela had decided to sit in the garden to forget about it for awhile.

Elizabeth found her daughter sometime later staring pensively into nothing. She had been worried about her daughter, but Michaela's disposition was now starting to brighten somewhat so her worries eased, if only slightly. In the past day, Michaela had that familiar gleam in her eye; the one which told Elizabeth that she was up to something. Elizabeth had no evidence that anything was about to happen, so she decided to leave it. It was best not to rock the boat at the moment.

"Come in and have some tea," Elizabeth said, pleased that she had shaken Michaela out of her daydream. She was too old for such nonsense. Michaela had reluctantly followed the austere matriarch into the afternoon room, though she welcomed it as a distraction from her thoughts of the advertisement. Once inside though, Michaela had no such luck. Sitting with her mother just made her think of it more. She was bursting at the seams to tell somebody, anybody, even if that person was her mother.

Elizabeth couldn't help but notice her daughter fidgeting and shifting in her seat. Now she was really curious.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on, or do you just fidget for fun?"

Michaela was torn. She didn't know what to say. On one hand she wanted to tell her mother, and have her mother share her excitement, though she doubted that she would. On the other hand she wanted to keep it to herself for fear of waking up from some dream. So instead Michaela opted for a tried and true method.

"Excuse me mother I need to go use the bathroom."

"I would say so," was her mothers only reply.

The rest of the evening was as uneventful as her doctors practice had been lately, so Michaela decided to retire to her room early in the evening. That night sleep didn't come easy, if at all. Michaela was too preoccupied with thoughts of the advertisement. She prepared herself for every possible scenario. What would she do if she had been accepted? How would she prepare herself for the rejection, as that was a very real possibility. For the parts of the nights that she didn't sleep, Michaela had a book of fairy tales open in a vain attempt to be constructive though it was no use.

Morning came and Michaela was up early, as she hadn't slept much the night before. Once quickly dressing and having a morning bath to fill in time, she raced downstairs to see if there was any mail within the pile that Harrison had picked up earlier. When Michaela had found that there was none for her, she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed though she knew it was silly to feel that way as she had only sent the telegram off yesterday morning. Elizabeth soon went out for the morning to some garden club meeting that Michaela had no interest in, though Elizabeth had tried without success to get her to come along. Michaela now found herself flitting from room to room, looking for something to do. Eventually she had settled into her room to write in her diary.

_Dear diary;_

_No response today from Colorado Springs. I am still agonising over how to tell mother about my decision to respond to the ad. I know that she isn't going to be happy. _

Her thoughts and musings were soon interrupted by Elizabeth calling out for Michaela. She had no idea why her mother wanted to see her suddenly, but nevertheless decided that she better go see. Upon arriving downstairs she saw her mother waving a telegram furiously in her hand. Michaela didn't want to get her hopes up, but it was a real possibility that it was what she had been waiting for.

"Is this what you have been jumping over for the last couple of days," Michaela couldn't say anything though; she was speechless in anticipation of finding out what the telegram said. Within a few moments her whole life could change with just a few simple words and a piece of paper. That thought both excited and scared her all at the same time. Her mother's words brought her back to reality.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had applied for a position in the west? You're not seriously going to take them up on their offer of accepting you as their doctor, are you?"

For a second there was only silence as the words registered in Michaela's brain before she let out a high pitched squeal and ran to hug her mother. Michaela was brought back from the heavens though when her mother didn't return her embrace.

"Yes I do plan to go west to start my own life and practice, that is what father would've wanted," with that Michaela took the telegram that Elizabeth had dropped and headed up the stairs to avoid further argument.

Oh how to pack your whole life into a few suitcases and bags. The last few days had passed in a haze of suitcases and coat hangers. Now that the initial shock had passed Michaela had become scared of what was to come. She would press on though, into the unknown, but was sad at the thought that she would have to leave all that she had ever known behind. Michaela promised herself that she would make peace with her mother before she left.

Elizabeth had watched quietly from the sidelines as Michaela packed for her trip west in a few days. She knew that Josef would be proud of his daughter striking out on her own; Elizabeth was proud too, but now more than ever needed the support of Michaela close by, why? She couldn't say but she felt torn between protecting her daughter from the unknown, and letting her spread her wings and to discover life as she was born to do. Either way she knew that her daughter would go no matter how she felt, so Elizabeth decided it would be best to accept her decision so that there would be no rift between them, and so that Michaela could go west without regret.

Deciding to have a talk with her daughter, Elizabeth ascended the stairs to see Michaela. When Michaela looked up and saw that it was her mother that had just entered her room, she knew that this was going to be a long visit.

"I don't want to argue about my decision mother. I have made it and you can't change my mind."

"That's what I wanted to talk about. I didn't want you to leave with a rift between us."

Michaela did a double take. Was her mother actually making the first move in the peace process? She didn't quite know what to say, so she just sat there quietly waiting for her mother to continue.

"I know Michaela," Elizabeth began, "that your decision to move west is not one that I approve of, and nor will I in the near future, but if this is what you want to do, I am not going to stop you. I just hope that you have prepared well and that you know what you are getting yourself into." Before Michaela could respond Elizabeth held up her hand indicating that she wished to continue.

"I know that your father would be proud of you, and would approve of your decision to move to the frontier. He always knew how to communicate with you and knew exactly what you wanted out of life. I regret not spending the same amount of time with you. Nevertheless, you will always be my daughter, and I will love you for what you are. I am proud of you."

Michaela was more speechless than when she had found out that she had been accepted for this position. So instead of words Michaela rushed to her mother who held out her arms to receive her daughters' embrace. They both sobbed for a few moments until Elizabeth pulled away.

"Oh stop it Michaela, it's not proper to cry like this," Elizabeth said then gave a chuckled sob through her tears.

The day of Michaela's departure had finally arrived! Not having slept a wink the night before, Michaela rushed around like an excited child. She was to leave at 9am. Everything had been packed and repacked, though Michaela couldn't help but feel as if she had forgotten something. Now ready for her big frontier adventure Michaela was standing at the door saying goodbye to Martha and Harrison. Once they had left to give Michaela and her mother some privacy, Michaela turned to her mother to say goodbye. No words were needed though as they embraced one final time before Elizabeth turned and headed up the stairs, stopping halfway to savour the image of her daughter, eager and excited, before continuing.

Michaela turned a full circle taking in each part of the room in fear that somehow she would forget it though she knew she could never forget. After turning one more time Michaela stepped out the front door to be on her way to a place where she hoped to find acceptance.


End file.
